PC vs. Mac? Apple iPod vs. Everyone Else? Microsoft vs. Apple? Who cares???

Well so here we go. I've been seeing a lot about this in the news lately and I've decided to chime in with my two cents. Because I can.

I have never used a Mac. I would like to use a Mac just to see what OS X is like. The problem is that I started using MS-DOS 6.0 and then Windows 3.1 and then 3.11 while Macs were not even on the radar. They weren't on my radar because they tended to be expensive and they seemed to be a niche computer. In 1997 I bought the parts to build my first computer. I built another in 1998 and another in 2000. I learned to use a PC and how to build a PC. I love building PC's and appreciate the fact that I have a choice in my components and can design my own hardware load out.

Most people seem to forget that it hasn't been that long since Steve Jobs resurrected the shriveled husk of Apple and turned it into the Multi-media/multi-platform giant that it is today. He started by eradicating the original mac operating system and set about smartly integrating key aspects of other operating systems that Apple acquired the rights to through its acquisition of NeXT software in 1996.

Apple innovates. Nuff said. Microsoft innovates. They innovate differently than Apple. Microsoft shoots for the middle. There is a shit ton of apps, peripherals, and other ancillary devices and components that for some companies and individuals are mission critical. They all have to work with the PC platform. Microsoft isn't about to piss on these people. I would imagine that makes things complicated for Microsoft when they want to do something innovative but that something breaks something else.

Apple officially doesn't care who they piss on. Mac OS X completely breaks any form of native compatibility with Mac OS 1.0 - 9.0 which was the primary operating system of Mac's since 1984. They just did it. You could get old programs to work through the Rosetta application; that was until Apple shit canned the Power PC chip and went to Intel Processors in 2005. When you take that kind of stance (because you really haven't got that much to lose) it totally changes the way you innovate. Apple makes shrewd and calculated business moves that stem from an obviously stream lined administrative hierarchy that is short on bureaucracy but long on execution. They make smart business moves that are very well planned and deftly executed from a purely business perspective. They do not fuss over their end users or how jilted their end users feel when they make a jarring or sudden change in course.

Microsoft Windows in an Operating System built by committee and consensus. The sort of consensus that can take a long time to build and what you would expect from a multi-billion dollar lumbering giant of an organization. That's not to say that Microsoft is not capable of being nimble when it wants to be.

Microsoft has executed with aplomb on its Xbox game platform and more importantly on Xbox Live. Xbox Live has become the defacto standard of online gaming platforms. So much so that the free online gaming components supported by Sony's PS 3 and Nintendo's Wii have failed to make a dent in the number of subscriptions that Xbox Live enjoys. Truth is if I could play WoW on Xbox 360 from the comfort of my couch I would ditch Windows in a frickin heart beat. I would drop Ubuntu Linux on my computer with Open Office and never look back. Not because I dislike Windows (I like it fine... even Vista is a good system once its all patched up)... it's really that Ubuntu is free and I'm cheap.

At this point any comparison between Mac's and PC's is semantics. Mac's are PC's. Mac's can dual boot Windows. If you want a middle of the road PC that also runs OS X then buy a Mac. If you want a cheap computer to check Facebook with purchase a cheapo netbook with Ubuntu or Windows XP and go to town. The differences between Mac and PC are going to be moot anyhow within the next 5 - 10 years as we move from a model of software licensing to software renting through the cloud.

As far as I'm concerned - from what I've seen and read... I firmly believe that we are moving away from software as a consumable to software as a "service". You will be able to get the "service" through your internet browser or internet integrated operating system (mac, windows, linux, whatever) but you will have to pay a monthly or yearly fee to access that service.

It's coming whether we like it or not. Microsoft and Apple both see it coming hence the move away from PC Centric business models. Apple is positioning itself as the champion of integration and standardization. The iMac, the iPod, the iPad, each and everyone perfectly syncs and work flawlessly with each other. Take your data and share it over multiple devices. Take your data and content you've rented with you wherever you go and have everything work seamlessly with little fuss.

Microsoft is proving that it can be cool and is gaining name recognition through something other than their operating system and office products. They have also proven to be very savvy about understanding how people want to be connected with each other when they are online playing a game or otherwise.

Content providers are fricken crazy over piracy. I guess I can't blame them but I see the cloud and purchasing services through the internet as the only way to go. Mac vs. PC... it isn't gonna make a difference in the end.

Mmmm... free software... mmmm...

It's go time for free software. I know a couple of people who are friends of mine who are either going to be building a new system soon, or are going to be reinstalling Windows on their current system. So what kind of free software do I use? Well I tend to use software that has high ratings from other people and is generally recommended by other websites around the internet. Free software has come a long way and some of the best freeware out there is equivalent in terms of functionality and usability to it's commercial counterparts.

For word processing and business:
Open Office ver. 3.x

For Virus Scanning:
AVG 8.x Free Edition

For CD-Authoring
(Windows XP) - CDBurnerXP and Imgburn
(Windows Vista) Imgburn (the DVD/CD burning functionality built into Vista works fine.)

For Music Organization and playback
iTunes (for christ's sake people quit stealing music)

Replacement Disk Defragmenter
Auslogics Disk Defrag (Windows XP Only!!! - The Vista Defragger works fine)

CPU, Motherboard, and RAM Information (System Diagnosis)
CPU-Z

For Video Viewer and Codecs
FFD Show Tryouts and Media Player Classic (You are not a power user if you default to Windows Media Player version xx.xx - the software sucks a big fat donkey shlong and Microsoft refuses to fix it... so fuck em... get these instead). For those who don't know codecs are the descriptor files that tells your media player how to handle certain file types like DVD's, streaming movies, .avi files, .mpeg files, and other types of content.

Photo Editing Simple (Light Duty, Batch processing, red-eye removal) and organizing
Picasa

Photo Editing Hardcore (Content creation, digital drawing, animation, working in layers)
The GIMP (also available with a Photoshop style interface - I'll link to both)
The GIMPSHOP with Photoshop Style Interface (please note this is a GIMP hack)

Spyware and Malware Removal
Spybot S&D and Windows Defender (Windows Defender also works for coraling startup programs that misbehave.)

Simple System Maintenance
CCleaner

System Backup
DriveImage XML and SyncBack SE

Video Game Purchases
Steam - Steam Rocks. If I can't buy a game on steam then I don't really want it. Every Weekend they have some sort of crazy, insane, slammin ass deal where they practically give some games away... it roxors... so check it out... woot!!!

Stardocks Impulse - Impulse is similar to steam only focused on Stardocks own games. This isn't a bad thing since Stardock makes the best 4X real-time strategy games on the planet!

Addon Manager for World of Warcraft
WoW Matrix - ok dig it. If you play WoW and you don't use a download manager to take care of your addons and keep them updated for you... then you are wasting an awful lot of time that you could be spending leveling your main toon. WoW Matrix keeps a database of almost every mod that is worth anything and keeps it updated daily.

Windows GUI Modifier
TweakUI (Windows XP only) - Ok, so I love TweakUI. This is an old MS powertoy for Windows XP but it is very small and powerful. It adds functions like being able to take the arrow away from shortcuts on your desktop, modify the speed of slideshows in the picture viewer, edit your login and logout features... it is very powerful, but not for people who don't really know what their doing so anyone who is related to me please don't download this app... I have better things to do than fix your god damn computers.

Well that's all for now. I'm sure there are other good programs out there that I have missed, or a program that you think is good that I think is a complete peice of shit. Since this is my blog only my opinion matters so fuck you. Later. Joe-joe

Helpppp!!! My System is Hosed!

If you have the misfortune of having family... like me... you will inevitably get a phone call at some point requesting help with a computer related problem.  Personally, that is one of the reasons that I do not go into the PC business.  The thought of being responsible for tech support for a platoon of fucking morons is not the most pleasant thought.  Having to be tech support for my family is punishment enough as far as I'm concerned.  Well, once the damage is done there really is not a whole lot left to do other than try and fix it well enough that they can limp along until they fuck it up permanently and you have to reinstall the operating system. 

The Truisms of system troubleshooting:

1.  People are stupid.  They do stupid things.  No matter how often you tell them not to do stupid things their stupidity will persist and they will do it anyway.  Remember there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

2.  People don't really understand how Windows works.  Telling them to "go into regedit and...." is basically the same as telling them to take boiling hot coffee and dumping it inside their system while the system is running.  No good is going to come from it.

3.  The most obvious problems are the hardest to explain.  For example... I have a family member who persistently changes the resolution on her computer monitor until all of her icons on her desktop look like giant, jaggy blobs... oh and half of them are missing.  I know what the problem is obviously but I can't explain to her how to fix it because I say:  Find an empty spot on the desktop and right click to get to the properties menu... and inevitably she'll tell me she can't find an empty spot.  Now I know that there is some miscreant, poorly written app responsible for this... probably some crack whore causal game like cooking mama or something that is making bad calls to the graphics card driver and not resetting the resolution on the desktop to the system default.  It's an easy fix, but something that I will never be able to explain.

Your troubleshooting kit:

I carry around a thumbdrive that is loaded with the following programs, if you do any sort of tech support for family or friends the following are essential:

1.  Crap Cleaner aka CCleaner.  This little program has a small footprint and is easily one of the best little utilities I've ever used for cleaning up orphaned files and cleaning the cruft from the windows registry. It also has a handy backup feature so that you can undo anything that has caused a major malfunction.

2.  CPU-Z.  Tells you tons of information about the mobo, proc, and ram installed in the system your working on.

3.  Auslogics System Information - forget that crap that comes with Windows (especially XP) and grab a free copy of Auslogics System Info.  It tells you all kinds of information that can help you track down drivers and conflicts.

4.  Windows Defender - Windows Defender sucks as a malware scanner, but it rocks as an essential tool for tracking down programs that insist they are going to start when Windows boots up.  The software explorer feature of Windows Defender is what really makes it an invaluable tool.

5.  Spyware S & D - The penultimate spyware/malware scanning program.  Some people don't like it.  I love it.  I have used a variety of products and have never found anything better or more simple.  Just make sure you keep it updated.

6.  AVG Free Edition - get onto downloads.com and download the latest free version of AVG's rockin virus scanner.  Of course if your family is like mine they run around on the internet with no virus or malware scanners, internet explorer 6 unpatched and in the wild.  So adding a virus scanner to their computer after they've given themselves the electronic equivalent of HIV is like shutting the barn doors after the horses have already run out, but hey... you know that there is going to be a "next time" and you'll know that there is already a virus scanner installed... unless you are related to me then you'll inevitably uninstall the virus scanner because "It keeps running and I can't turn it off"... and then you'll look at me with that stupid half crazy, half retarded expression as a little peice of me dies inside.

These are just the basic tools that I use.  I also keep a custom boot disk handy as well that's loaded with drivers for cd-burners and recovery software.  I'll save that for another blog post though.  L8r dudes.

The parts are in... lets put this thing together...

So all of the parts have finally arrived for my mother's new computer.  I documented some parts of the build so that I could share them with those who read this blog and are interested in building a new machine themselves. 






This is my mother's eMachine.  This thing has been kicking around since April 2001.  About four weeks ago it died.  She simply turned it off one night and it never fired back up.  That was it and that was all.  As you can see from my beauty shots this thing is long in the tooth.  The sad part is that it was under powered when it was new. 

It sported the following:

Intel Pentium III 700 Mhz Celeron Proc.
16X CD-Burner
128 megs of RAM (It ran a single channel DIMM)
Intel 810i Chipset (that included the onboard video it had 32 megs shared as video memory)
Integrated Audio, 10/100 Ethernet, 3 USB Ports (Version 1.1)

The configuration was horrible and over the years I took pity on my mom and dropped some upgrades on it for her.  I dropped a 1.2ghz Pentium III in there as well another 128 megs of RAM.  I think those two upgrades cost a grand total of 20 dollars. 

The Ultimate Decision - Finding the Balance between noise and power.

It's not easy picking peices for a new build.  Especially when I was constrained by my mom's paltry budget of 220 dollars.  When you are that constrained you have to make compromises somewhere, and in this build every single peice was a compromise of some kind either because of price or because I stronly believed that expensive parts could be substituted based on what I know about how my mom uses her computer.  Here is what we finally ended up with.




Motherboard:  Biostar TA780G M2+:  Cost $79.99 : Socket AM2+ : Why?  This motherboard has a rich feature set.  You sacrifice e-sata and 6 port audio; however, it still supports 5.1 surround sound, Phenom and Phenom II Quad Cores, and the onboard Radeon 3200 UMA graphics is no slouch either.

Memory:  Ultra 667mhz (2 gigs) single stick: Why? It was cheap.  $24.99.

Proc:  AMD AM2+ 4850e Retail: Why? It was cheap.  $59.99 and comes with a heat sink/fan combo.  It's clocked a 2.5ghz stock.  Supposedly it'll run like a mugger with a stolen purse if overclocked and the voltage is goosed a little.  I'm going to leave it alone for this build though... no overclocking for mom.






The Case:  Cooler Master Elite 330/331: Cost: 49.99:  Includes 350 Watt Power supply, a single 120mm exhaust fan, tooless chasis and drive bays: Its also aluminum and steel so its pretty light.  Why? Cause it was cheap - $39.99, and to be honest this thing is actually a really good case.  Easy to work in and the front panel connectors are nice and long.  The front audio and USB are also standard headers so they just plug right into the mother board.  Nice.

Shipping cost a whopping $1.99... that's right... one dollar and ninety nine cents.  This was for a grand total of $216.95.  Now I know a couple of peices are missing.  So check out what I salvaged from the e-machine.



My mom lives in 1996.  So I salvaged her 40 gig UDMA 100 Hard drive and the Conextant 56K v.92 modem that she uses to dial up to Netzero.  She pays $9.99 a month for NetZero.  It would cost her $19.99 a month for DSL through her phone company.  Apparently she believes that extra $10.00 is the differnece between her starving and eating so she refuses to part with it.  Personally I would have forked over the ten bucks, but my mom uses the internet so little that in the six weeks she was without a computer she actually forgot how to use it.  So I guess I can see her point.  Asides, the Biostar features a 10/100/1000 broadband connection if she ever decides to upgrade.

Building the Joey Way

So the first thing I do in any build is unpack everything and inspect the shipping condition.  I was impressed with how well packed the motherboard and its accessories were packed up.  All of these items were purchased from TigerDirect.com.  I have never had any problem before and I didn't have any trouble this time.  Everything was packed tightly and securely just like always.

So I always start with the motherboard. 



You can see this is a micro ATX motherboard.  I actually like the way that its laid out.  I'm really impressed with the four RAM slots (most Micro ATX boards come with only 2).  So at this point you want to assemble the motherboard while you have it outside of the system so that you can actually see what the hell your doing.  At this point you should insert the CPU in the socket and then immediately attach the heatsink/fan combo.  The AMD and Intel heatsinks are very different (I actually like AMD's locking mechanism better than intel's craptacular peg system).  Simply follow the instructions that come with your heatsink and you should be fine.  Also at this point you want to install and secure the DDR2 RAM that you purchased.

At this point you should have the motherboard assembled with CPU and RAM.  Set it aside and get your case out.  Punch out the retainer form that comes with every case and insert the one that came with the motherboard.  This is the peice with cut outs that match up to all of the connectors that you have on the motherboards back panel.  Make sure that it locks securely into place.  Usually you just have to run you fingers around it a couple of times to make sure that its secure.



Once that's done you want to unpack the screw and standoff set that came with your case (sometimes your motherboard will come with them as well... it depends on the manufacturer).  Never... ever... ever... install a motherboard by attaching it directly to the case.  At the very least the motherboard will ground to the case and you'll get a never ending POST (power on self test) failure.  At the worst you'll short the board and hose your build.  So use the standoffs that come with your case.  Normally they are gold in color.  Simply screw them into the case in the position where your motherboard is going to set and then screw the motherboard into the standoffs.

Cleaning up the mess and test fire

Once the motherboard is secure you can install the drives.  I donated a 16X DVD-ROM UDMA 66 to this build.  Her hard drive is UDMA 100.  The problem is that there is only one IDE (also known as UDMA 33, 66, 100, 133) connector for both drives.  So I need to use an IDE cable with two connectors on it and daisy chain them together.  I didn't take any pictures of this because at this point I just wanted to get the god damn thing built.  Remember to check your jumpers.  One drive (the hard drive and always, always, always the hard drive) has to be set as the master drive and the DVD or CD-Rom has to be set as the slave drive.  Forgetting to do this will cause a boot failure.  Also if you purchase a Serial ATA (SATA) harddrive and DVD/CD-Rom you don't have to worry about the Master/Slave debacle as SATA figures this out on its own.

Once I got a successful test fire and got Windows XP installed I decided to clean up the mess inside the case.  I know that in the future I will be the one responsible for troubleshooting and repairing this computer.  I also know that if I want to use the thermal control software built into the BIOS that unrestricted air flow is going to be important.  I want to have a clear view of everything going on inside the computer just by popping off the side and looking inside.

This was the view of the internal's of the old eMachine computer.



Yep it sure is a rat's nest in there.  I always hate it when the power cables dangle so dangerously close to damn CPU fan.  Look at those cables running everywhere.  In fact if you look closely right above the purplish colored printer port you can actually see the case starting to rust.  I have no idea how this could have happened; however, I have a theory that the computer simply wanted to die and would do anything to escape its slavery to the bejeweled playing monster... thus it spontaneously started to rust.  I really hope my mom doesn't read this ;).

Anywho.  I fancy that cable management is my kung-fu... and my kung-fu... is STRONG.



This was done simply with a couple of cable ties and some corrugated wire wrap.  It makes for a nice clean look and also ensures that any air coming into the case will be unimpeded by a mess of wires and cables.  No build is complete until the cable management has been dealt with.  This isn't the prettiest example of cable management (some companies like Voodoo computer systems have elevated cable management to an art form), but it was very easy to do and cost around ten bucks for the ties and wire wrap.  It only took about ten minutes to clean it up.

So after I got it all put back together I activated the Smart Fan controls in the BIOS to control the exhaust fan and the CPU fan.  Follow the instructions in your motherboards BIOS manual to set it up and ensure you don't accidentally hose your system by setting the parameters wrong. 

When all was said and done my mom had a new computer that was light years ahead of what she had before.  The build was inexpensive and the finished product was quite admirable as it was plenty powerful and whisper quiet.  Good luck in your builds.  Just as an aside I want to let everyone know that this was not meant to be instructional.  If you don't have the dexterity and patience to put together a plastic airplane or car model then you probably shouldn't be messing around in the guts of a computer.  Read the instructions carefully and plan your build before you start building.  Later dudes.  Joey

Building a Computer the Fat Joey Way.

So if you managed to muddle through my last blog you know that I'm building a new computer for my mother. Her old E-machine finally bit the hard one and died quietly in its sleep. My mom has three goals when it comes to using a computer...

1. Play solitaire or bejeweled until her eyes burn out of her head.
2. Check her e-mail.
3. Download pictures from the camera her boyfriend bought her for Christmas.

That's it. That's all. Nothing fancy or high powered... she does not play games other than the a fore mentioned abominations so she really doesn't need anything that is on the bleeding edge of technology (my mom's translation = expensive).

That being said there are a few rules when speccing out a system that I am going to review. These are simple truisms that everyone should follow when building a new system.

1. Your motherboard is the foundation of your build. Don't skimp here. Cheap motherboards are the source of many a good builds downfall. Paying less than 50 bucks for a brand new motherboard which has one of the latest chipsets is a bad, bad, bad idea. You should ideally look for mobos from companies that have good reputations and have been around for a while. This build utilizes one of Biostar's T-Series boards. It sports the AMD/ATI 780G chipset.

Remember to match your processor to your chipset...

Intel Processors work best with Intel Chipsets.
AMD Processors work best with AMD/ATI chipsets.

AVOID nVidia chipsets, VIA chipsets, and Chipsets with weird numbers or lots of identifiers... for example I have no idea what an Intel 915GFX board is... but I would much rather have an Intel X58 board. The more identifiers (the G, F, X) the more features have been tacked onto the original chipset (which is 915) to make it more palletable to consumers and OEM system builders.

2. The more tech you slap in there the more problems you are going to have. I love the latest and greatest tech gadgets. I really am a technophile... that being said when your speccing a system you really need to think about what your going to be using it for.

When I spec a new system I research the upgrade paths carefully because I don't want to be boxed in if I decide to upgrade later on. I usually try to purchase processors and mobos that have been around for at least one generation cycle (about 18 months) because most of the bugs and cruft have already been worked out via BIOS and driver updates. So I can be assured the tech is fairly stable. This saves me the agony of having to troubleshoot new tech glitches along with the normal amount of troubleshooting that goes with a new build. So the moral of this story is be conservative.

3. Quad cores are nice and give you bragging rights. Dual cores are better than quad cores depending on what your working on... and cheaper too. Content creators, Video editors, Photoshop guru's, illustrators, cartoonists, should all get Quad core procs; because, the software that you will use scales well with four cores.

Gamers, light duty photo editors (removing the red eye from pictures), compressing videos to put on Youtube, and general word processing and web browsing should use dual core procs. The software that you use does not scale (i.e. you won't see any performance difference between a dual core and quad core clocked at the same speed) well or at all with more than 2 processors.

Ok, thats it for this round.. to finish off I am going to list some of the tools that your gonna need for your first build.

1. A magnetic screw driver (philips head... I hope whoever invented non-magnetic screw drivers burns in the tenth level of hell... fuck you dude).

2. A good pair of needle nose pliers.

3. Cable ties

4. A small, bright flashlight.

5. Optionally you may want to pick up a screw kit with some extra screws and motherboard standoffs... as well as a voltage meter and ground tester... Powered screw drivers from like Black and Decker are kind of overkill... in fact I prefer to use manual tools simply because they give you a better feel and control over how much you tighten your screws... its way too easy to strip screws when your using powered tools.

Ok, thats all folks. Later. Fat Joey

Bail outs, stupid people, weasles, and a new computer...

So in my real life I like to get up in the morning, have a swig of coffee and set down to read the daily news updates from CNN and The Buffalo News... and I'm always excited to see how much money GM and Chrysler are begging for.

You see I recognize an entertainment value when I see one and by GOD!!! Seeing super rich CEO's beg Congress for taxpayer money is an entertainment value. I think the most entertaining thing about the entire thing is that no one from Chrysler or GM have been told that in order to get the money they need to submit themselves to public floggings or resign.

If you work for GM or any car company and you're reading this blog I want you to pay careful attention to what I am about to explain to you because if I were you I would seriously be looking for a way to beat feet and head for the hills... Your pretty much doomed and its all because of a little thing people call management... (sometimes also referred as a senior management or senior leadership team)... depends on how the company you work for tries to gussy it up.

In any event.. consider this: if you work in management you actively seek to hire people who are smarter than you. That means that your boss is dumber than you.. and his boss is even dumber than him/her... and so forth up to the "Leader" who if this reasoning holds should be a mildly mentally retarded individual who has managed to disguise their retardation by promoting buzz words, slinging acronyms, and barricading himself behind enough middle managers and angry secretaries that there is no way that you could possibly ever have a meaningful conversation with this individual... and in the event that he is forced to come out in public there will be a platoon of PR reps (and perhaps lawyers) to ensure that everything that comes out of his mouth does not cause your companies stock to plummet into the penny stocks. Without PR people your Companies CEO would sound something like this:

"Today I arrived at work around tenish... because I am a lazy psychopath who doesn't give a damn about the happiness of any other human being... I then sent my secretary to Tim Hortons to buy me an exquiste cup of their delicious coffee... while she was gone I downloaded several podcasts onto my ipod and that new song from Justin Timberlake and TI. I also was trying to figure out the name of another song... I couldn't remember the tune but I know the words so I googled the chorus line to the song until I forgot what I was working on and checked my personal e-mail... which is a gmail account because the company e-mail is complicated and frightens me. I used to check my voicemail until I forgot the password after a long weekend... now I blame never getting any calls on my secretary who I've convinced everyone is a complete incompetent and who I would fire if it weren't for labor laws... I run a car company but I really don't know anything about cars... they're more complicated than my e-mail... all I know is the company keeps losing money but I still get paid... so who cares."

I have seen the car executives on TV... they flew in private jets to ask for a bailout... that caused politicians to go into a feeding frenzy because they are asking for tax payer dollars because they are going out of business... nothing is sadder than seeing rich people (Senators/CEO's) fight over money that belongs to poor people (90% of the American tax base)... in any event the Senators really didn't have that much to be angry about... how do they expect these Auto Exec's to get to Capitol Hill... I mean if you were the head of GM would you drive one of your company's cars from Detroit to Washington DC... HELL NO!!! The god damn thing is more likely to randomly flip over and burst into flames than it is to make it all the way to Washington. They sure as hell don't want to show up driving their new Lexus or Infinity... so private flight is the only way to go... if he took a public flight the people on the flight who own GM products might recognize him and seek retribution for being sold expensive lawn ornaments with wheels... on a public flight his only hope would be to check himself in as luggage and hope that he makes it onto the right flight.

If they offer you an incentive package take it and run like hell. In fact if you can't get the incentive package because you're too far from retirement or you haven't been there long enough look into their severance package and see what you can get for getting fired. If the severance package is good then you need to quit trying to screw your co-workers to make yourself look good and start screwing yourself.

I would starting slowly... start by making hygiene optional... think of no shower Tuesdays... or perhaps no deodorant Fridays... followed closely by uncontrollable projectile Diaherea Mondays... failing to wipe appropriately... follow that up by Vodka for breakfast Thursdays and you'll be on the fast track to getting yourself some of that yummy severance package goodness.

You'll notice that most places have management teams... leadership teams... or some sort of self perpetuating organism that involves the word "team". Having a team of leaders is good for the people in charge because when everything goes straight to hell there is a pool of people at your disposal to disperse the blame to. In fact the best leadership teams have so many sublayers and committees that it is literally impossible to trace the decision making back to any one important person... or any person at all for that matter. So if I were the CEO of a car company my day would consist of reading comic books, checking my vested stock options, and considering new ways to blame my underlings for the forthcoming disaster which I know is imminent.

If I were a CEO of a car company (especially one getting tax payer money) I would have two goals... my first goal would be to hunker down and round this ugly son-of-bitch out; because, I know that at some point the market is going to turn around. I know that it is only a matter of time before the market turns around and you start making huge gains. By god I want to hold on for dear life as long as I can because I want to get the credit for bringing hope and ray of light into the darkness of this bleak and besmerching fart hole of an economy... As a CEO I know that the markets have nothing to do with decreases in federal interest rate, or opinions by economists, or stimulus packages from the government... it has everything to do with luck. If I can hold out long enough I might get lucky and consumer confidence could return.

My second goal would be to get as much tax payer money as the government is willing poop out. I mean c'mon... the government is giving us low interest loans! Its a smorgasbord of fiduciary malfeasance... the damn fools are actually offering more money to the people who lost a ton of money to start with... At this point no one expects auto execs to be competent and when your doling out that much money it is impossible to track... I would be seriously looking to funnel some of that taxpayer money my way. When the federal investigation comes for funneling the federal money other places (like the GM plants in Mexico)... I would put together a senior committee of executives to put safeties in place to ensure that this never happens again... and I would also allude to the fact that we think the mail man was somehow involved in the misappropriation of funds as well as all of the people who died while working at the company in the past year.

Ok, so Im done bitching about that... take a deep breathe. So Im building a new computer for my mom. Her old computer quit posting and actually being of any use at all other than being a large paperweight. So the new parts are in and I plan on taking pictures and documenting the build as I go... I do it because I can. Later.

Well I Fucked the Shit out of that didn't I?

Yep. I really screwed ye ole pooch on that one... so I was troubleshooting my Windows Vista installation. I was having problems with a BIOS upgrade I wanted to install for my ASUS mobo (P5N32-SLI)... its the last BIOS upgrade I think they are going to make for this board. It adds identifiers for the new batch of Wolfdale dual core chips (this mobo can't run the new Wolfdale Quad Core chips... stupid fucking nVidia chipset... NEVER AGAIN I TELL YOU... but I digress)... so I figured it would be stable and have the last performance tweaks Im probably gonna get out of Asus... so I installed it... or at least I tried.

Loooonnnnggggg story short... I had to force the BIOS update with the EZFlash utility in the bios after I put the BIOS file on a floppy drive. It hosed Vista 64... completely and utterly broken... 100% destroyed... it was as if 100 horses farted and the fog of equine of flatulence suddenly ignited and burned a hole straight through my Vista installation... sad face.

Fortunately... Windows XP is a fucking tank... and no amount of burning horse farts could possibly destroy Windows XP completely. I couldn't get online... but I could initialize my disc burning software and back up utilities. In the end... all of my data was saved (except for some crappy quality transformer cartoons from the 1980's... no serious loss). I was even able to get into the Vista partition and rescue the data from there.

So... a corrupted RAID array... a system tear down... a format c:... RAID corruption traced to faulty WD Raptor 150 drive (200.00 for that peice of shit... oy devey... Ill learn one of these days)... another format c:... several nerve racking moments... bios reconfig... more nerves... a lot of dears... and a sacrificial goat to the computer gods later and Im back up and running... with all my data intact.

Sooooo.... looks like Im waiting until Windows 7 before I stray from my tried and true 32 bit installation of XP. To bad too... I like Vista and the way it implements some functions. I can't kill Windows XP... the last installation lasted almost two years... I killed Vista in less than 2 months... thats with SP1 installed... Oh well... Yeah. Happy Presidents Day. Fuck me. Later.